Listening to: Flirtin with disaster - Molly Hatchet
Reading: Road & Track
Watching: /Drive channel
Eating: was lunch
Some rambling and swearing towards the end of this wall of text, inproper grammar and lack of spelling corrections...you have been warned.
In my earlier years online, I would put a journal going into some detail about my problems in reality to some degree, but as years gone by, I've been less inclined to do so, instead reserving such a case to be limited to friends be it in reality or onnline.
My reasons for such are many, cheif among them that I'd rather avoid if possible any potential drama, but I guess one other reason is that at times I feel like one's reaction would be akin to 'cool story bro' or that nobody cares. That of course could easily imply that in a sense, that I'm crying for help which for some can be seen in any number of negative ways.
One other reason is that in spite of my verse in language and how I ofthen attempt to improve myself, I'm simply inept and not able to properly form percisely what I'd like to express in a way that's properly understood. Worse still is how I can give very bad impressions or lead a person to think I'm something to which I'm not.
Such experiences and obversations have made me more hestiant to speak, but doing so can only encourage more cases to screw up.
So what can I honeslty do about it apart from trying to speak on a more regular basis, and hopefully under the course of any given conversation under any subject, and somehow not step on somebody's toes?
Well, there is the before mentioned means, that and perhaps in spite of me doing so, putting more conscious thoughts into what i'm saying...which assumes I'm of sound state of mind, which, is a rarity in itself.
So I think I'll just for now state in shorthand what's going on with me without saying too much here.
---Life in general
While I have a job...I'm not getting enough money to really make honest gains. I'm seekin more hours in that job when they can allow me to take them, I'm seeking full time employment as well, but getting a job has been easier said than done.
I can only presist when I can.
I know my online actitives have not been great, and well...I'm working on art when I can, trying to aggresssively become better what I'm doing, partially because personal improvement, but also becuase ...I'm hoping to actually get to comissions and being able to actually perofrm them in both a reasonable time, and to actually make them decent if not actually being good.
We'll see...or rather you'll all see...I'll need to get cracking (more).
In regards to a rather tragic accident involving Kevin Ward Jr and Tony Stewart...there's a lot I want to say, and even before this incident or others, there's been a lot I've been wanting to say but stepped away from, and even now I'm still unsure if I should say much.
I'll leave my ramblings for another time and place. For now I'll just say...don't take this as victim blaming, but I feel like ...Kevin ward should have not gotten out of his car, but I've felt very much the same for every other instance, in any other motorsport for which a driver got out their car to get onto an circuit during an active race...to give a driver they feel responsile for their wreck a peice of their mind. I'm not putting Tony on a pedstial, but from what I have seen of him...he's not as much the hot-headed asshole as some may say he is.
But what in the fuck would a 20 something murican know anyway?
Till later people...